It's very difficult to quit pornography, or any addiction, without a strong network of support and fellowship.
These people should be close friends and family, perhaps even professional counselors, that can do the following:
- Encourage
- Keep your accountable
- Empathize
- Help you understand the root of the problem
Humans will not change, until the pain of staying the same becomes worse than the pain of changing.
These are the primary ways a support network helps you quit pornography. And keep in mind, a "network" doesn't have to be a lot of people. For some, it might even be one to three trusted friends that are helping you through the process.
We'll cover a few ways that friends and support networks can help you quit pornography.
Read more: Best Porn Blocking Software
Become Accountable to Someone
Friends and family who are supporting you should, in some capacity, be helping to keep you accountable. This will typically be one person that you trust, who checks in with you on a regular basis and keeps you in a dialog about how things are going.
One of the best ways to set this up is with accountability software, like Covenant Eyes.
This program uses the "buddy system" and helps you establish an accountability partner, who will know what content you're accessing on the internet.
It's one of the most effective ways to mitigate porn use.
The most effective way to stop using porn
Covenant Eyes is an accountability program that allows you to send reports to trusted friends and/or family members that will show them your internet activity and help keep you free from pornography.
Reach Out to Loved Ones
The simplest way to start this is to reach out to loved ones. Again, this can be friends or family.
Make sure these are people you trust, because you're going to have to share with them the fact that you're struggling with porn. This is a vulnerable confession and certainly embarrassing, so make sure you trust those you're sharing it with.
Support and loving accountability are incredibly important when it comes to quitting pornography.
Be honest with them, ask for their support, and give them specifics about how they can help.
This is where you can establish an accountability partner like I mentioned earlier.
- Reach out to people you trust
- Be honest
- Ask for help in specific ways
Get Away from Screens
Spend time with real people instead of screens.
The more time you spend with friends and family, the less opportunities you'll have to look at porn in the first place.
This is particularly important when it comes to social media sites. Instagram and TikTok are the platforms I'd recommend always avoiding. In general, sites that have you mindlessly scrolling are going to pull you away from people and real relationship.
Get away from screens and put time into real relationships.
Consider Counseling
I'm a big proponent of counseling, especially for help with breaking addictions. It should also be considered a part of your support group, even if your counselor isn't a friend or family member.
But trained counselors who are good at what they do will absolutely support you.
Their job is to advocate and care for you, and help you figure out the underlying causes of why you think and/or behave a certain way.
Many even have specific training and experience with addictions and helping with pornography use.
- Find a counselor who can help you
- Schedule an intake (most counseling groups usually do an intake evaluation)
- Set up meetings roughly every other week to talk through the process
- Bonus Tip: Take a notebook
FAQs about Support Networks
What if I don't have ideal people in my life who can support me?
If you don't trust anyone with this information, or you're not comfortable with any of the people available to you, online support groups and hubs (like this one), are great places to find help and community.
What if my loved ones don't understand my addiction?
Spouses and/or family members will usually react to knowing or finding out about this in one of two ways:
- Downplay the seriousness of severity of the addiction and its consequences (i.e. Porn isn't that bad)
- Get angry, hurt, frustrated, and perhaps resentful of you
The anger response is certainly more common in spouses and significant others and is totally understandable. But the downplaying can come up as well, and it's more common than you might think. This is where they don't really believe that porn is "bad" or that it can be harmful enough to be "taking such drastic measures."
This article covers just the most basic side effects of porn if you need to give them the run down.
Can I have multiple support networks?
Generally your support will be limited to just a few people, and within those few people, you should have just one or two accountability partners.
Expanding too far outside of that isn't necessarily going to be helpful.
Of course, there are online resources you can access (like I mentioned earlier), but those won't cross paths with your in-person relationships.
And remember, a support group can be more than just people who are helping you deal with pornography. It can just be healthy, positive people that you spend the bulk of your time with. Those who get most of your attention are also going to have the most profound influence/impact on your life.
Make sure it's a positive one, from positive people.
Wrapping Up
Getting support for quitting pornography is difficult, because it requires admitting where you're struggling.
And it's a psychological fact that humans will not change, until the pain of staying the same becomes worse than the pain of changing.
The thing is, pornography will get you to that level of pain. And when it does, telling people about your struggle will become less objectionable. Though I'd recommend, as soon as you decide to quit, make every effort to establish this type of support, especially as it relates to accountability.
Even now, if you want help, have questions, or just want to share your story, hit us up in the comments section below.
We'll see you there.
