Above Flickr Commons image via Slidingsideways
Getting addicted to anything, particularly pornography, is a pattern that's extremely difficult for human beings to break. Biology, psychology, culture, and your own brain are all working against you.
The dopamine response that occurs with pornography use is extremely addictive, and ultimately keeps you coming back, because other things that trigger dopamine - music you like, time with friends, looking forward to a vacation - don't meet the same dopamine standard set by pornography.
If you mess up, it's okay.
Even actual intimacy with another person can't compete with the rush of pornography use.
Thus the cycle is incredibly difficult to break.
The winning streaks and why they don't work
When I was trying to break my own addiction to pornography, I would run into this pattern that I've labeled "winning streaks."
For example, I might be able to make it without porn a week, or two weeks.
If I was doing really well, I could go a month.
Then, when I ultimately backslid, I would be incredibly disappointed and frustrated that I was not able to continue the good track record.
This had the effect of causing a surge of pornography use in the days following. Because I had already broken the streak, so all is lost anyway, right? I might as well just give in at this point.
I lost an edge, I gave in. The winning streak is over.
Change your mentality
Getting free from porn required that I change this mentality.
I had to go from focusing on unbroken success, to focusing on sustainable and consistent progress.
In other words, someone who is looking at porn every day should consider it a win if they're able to move to looking at porn once a week.
Are you starting at once a week?
Make it to once every two weeks.
Get rid of the winning streak mentality because it's a losing method. Instead, you need to think of yourself as a man or woman that doesn't look at porn and that doesn't give into the lies.
You know the truth.
It'll take you awhile, but focus on consistency, not winning streaks.
Here's one more example:
In 2023, the Boston Bruins set an NHL record for wins in a single season with 65 out of 82 games played. But they still lost 12 games. If they had gotten frustrated and defeated every time their wins were broken up by the rare loss, they would not have been able to sustain their success.
Out of 82 games, 65 wins, and an NHL record. Even then, losses will happen. It's okay. Flickr Commons image via Lisa Gansky
Sure, when it comes to pornography, the standard is to win all 82 games.
But be patient, you'll get there. Don't worry about the winning streaks. Just focus on sustained progress.
But, don't condone any porn use
Now, this is not to say that it's alright to "throw yourself a bone" (pun very much intended) every once in awhile. I'm not saying that you take a trip to the methadone clinic to get your fix.
What I'm saying is that if you mess up, it's okay. Get back on the horse and keep riding.
The winning streak doesn't matter. What matters is that you're making progress, and messing up can't take that away from you.
Getting help
It can help tremendously to get accountability tools and filters/blockers in place to help you fight this battle. We recommend Covenant Eyes which you can checkout in the box below, but you can also browse some other porn blocking options here.
Need help stopping? Here are the best porn blocking services for 2023.
Covenant Eyes Software and NordLayer DNS Filtering: Covenant Eyes provides accountability software that covers URLs and images, as well as blocking options, and lots of resources for helping you quit porn.
NordLayer allows you to implement network-wide filtering, and is a much more comprehensive blocking option, with added security measures and more extensive configuration options. It's effective for both homes and businesses.
